A Most Epic and Thrilling Cake Battle
by FireChestnut
Summary: Daniel gets a free slice of cake. Rorschach wants the cake. Rorschach isn't getting it without a fight.


AN-Silly fic I thought of when my mom brought home free cake she got from somewhere.

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Daniel twiddled his thumbs as he waited for the bill. Laurie was long gone, had to leave for some important business meeting or something with Adrian. His thoughts about Miss Jupiter were interrupted as the waitress came back, holding something in her hands. It looked like a dainty little cake box.

"Is that cake?" Daniel asked.

"Yes suguh', you get a free slice since your drink order took so long." She handed him his change and the box, winked, and then left. Daniel smiled, free cake was always nice. Picking up his jacket, he walked out the door, almost forgetting his left overs. As he walked down the cold streets, he couldn't help but wonder how big the slice was. Usually when you got free pastries, the diner skimped you. Stopping his brisk walk, he opened the lid.

"This is practically a whole cake..." He muttered under his breath as his eyes fell upon the colossal beast. It was the waitress, no doubt, who had snuck him such a worthy cake slice. Almost giddy, he continued his walk home. He fumbled with his keys before opening the door. As he entered the kitchen, he almost dropped his prize onto the floor.

"What's in the box?" Rorschach asked. He was seated stiffly at the table, one hand clamped down on a can of beans. Rorschach replaced his mask over his mouth.

"Oh...nothing." Daniel said.

"Smells like chocolate." Rorschach replied.

Daniel knew that Rorschach would break every bone in his body to get anything even remotely related to cake.

"It's...my cologne! Yes! My new cologne!"

"What's in the box, Daniel."

"My left overs."

"Open it."

Daniel quickly switched his left overs with the cake box, thanking the diner for having the same type of food containers. Hiding the cake behind his back, he opened it, revealing his beef ribs and salad.

"Hurm..." Rorschach muttered. Before Daniel could even remotely process what had just happened, Rorschach had shot out of the chair, pinning Daniel to the kitchen counter. The smaller man ground his right hip into Daniel's as he snaked his hand around Daniel's waist, finding what he was looking for. But, before Rorschach's hands had even remotely touched the box, Daniel had wriggled his way free. Making a mad dash for the basement door, he felt a hand on his shirt collar. Reeling him back in, Daniel felt like a scolded child as Rorschach towered over his hunched form, cake box nestled in his bosom, left overs on the counter.

"Are you sure you want to know what's inside, Rorschach?" Daniel said, trying not to sound hysterical. "It could be poisoned for all we know." To Daniel's relief, Rorschach loosened his grip briefly. Instead, he wrapped a gloved hand around Daniel's wrist.

"Open the box." Daniel gulped as the leather of Rorschach's glove squeaked as his grip tightened. Defeated, and knowing he wouldn't be able to beat the Vigilante at trickery, he opened the box. He swore he could see Rorschach's jaw drop. But Daniel wasn't done fighting just yet. Knowing Rorschach was still in a cake daze, he grabbed a few dishes from the cupboard and began throwing them at the Vigilante. Rorschach took the biggest serving plate he could and used it as a riot shield, trying to fight his way through the barrage of pottery. Daniel dove out of the way as a spray of silverware threatened to impale him. Over turning the table to use as a bunker, Daniel snuggled the cake box closer to his chest.

"I'm not letting him take you away....not yet." He cooed. He almost screeched as various kitchen utensils began smashing against the wood. "_No! Not the Kitchen Aid!"_ Daniel yelled as Rorschach ripped the 80's mixer from the socket. The wood splintered as the heavy duty mixer crashed against the table. Daniel called out as Rorschach's hand went towards the microwave.

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Laurie rushed through Daniel's door as she heard various crashes and screams. Had Daniel been robbed? Checking almost every room, she then checked the kitchen. What she saw next almost threw her to the ground in laughter. Both Daniel and Rorschach were on the ground, both the men's hands outstretched towards an open box of cake. Daniel groaned as she knelt down beside the two of them.

"You know, you could have shared it." She chimed.

"Sharing....for....liberals...." Rorschach growled. She sighed and picked up the cake and sat on the counter, various chips missing from its polished surface. Picking up a fork from the ground, she dug into the cake and stuffed the fork into her mouth.

"Mmmm, you two sure are missing out." She laughed and took another bite, relishing in both Daniel and Rorschach's grunts of displeasure.

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Hope it brought a smile to your face

~ Chestnut


End file.
